AbusePosted on 10/24/2009 - Dr. Gloria Kennedy

Abuse
Abuse---Big, Bad, Ugly
Abuse in any form is bad, wrong, ugly and unnecessary, whether it applies to humans, to animals, to property, or to the environment. Abuse is indeed a growing problem in our society today and when you think you've seen it all, along comes something even worse than the last one. The news media certainly keeps us informed of all the ugly, negative things that go on locally, nationally and internationally.

This article will address abuse in general, but will list the different types of abuse, some causes and effects of abuse, and some Biblical ways to deal with it.

The different types of abuse fall into the categories of emotional and verbal, physical, sexual, and even spiritual abuse. There can be emotional and verbal abuse without physical abuse present, but there is almost never any physical or sexual abuse without emotional and verbal abuse associated with it.

Emotional Abuse
Emotional/verbal abuse is made up of a series of incidents or a pattern of behavior that occurs over time. It is more than just verbal insults, the most common definition of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a series of reported incidents---whether intentional or not--- that insults, threatens, isolates, degrades, humiliates, and/or controls another person. It may include one or more of the following abuses: insults, criticisms, aggressive demands or expectations, threats, rejection, neglect, blame, emotional manipulation and control, isolation, punishment, terrorizing, ignoring or teasing.

The effects of emotional/verbal abuse are more devastating and have long-term effects. Emotional abuse cuts to the core of a person, attacking his/her very being. If frequent enough, it usually is internalized by the victim and leaves him/her feeling fearful, insignificant, unworthy, untrusting, emotionally needy, undeserving and unlovable, as if he/she were bad, deserving punishment, and to blame.

Often, the people who are perpetrators of abuse have psychological and emotional issues themselves and are the victims of emotional and verbal abuse as well. So they are passing on what they received, unaware of the poison it carries.

But all is not lost for the victim or the perpetrator. Once a person comes to the realization of what has happened to him/her and that he/she is in need of forgiveness or needs to forgive and needs to be transformed by the renewing of his/her mind, then the journey toward healing begins.

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse consists of anything one person does to another that causes physical pain. This includes slapping, pinching, punching, pushing, throwing objects at another person, assaulting someone with an object that brings about physical pain or discomfort to another. It can result in bruises, black eyes, knocked-out teeth, broken bones, burn marks, internal organ injuries, miscarriage, brain concussion, and even death.

Physical abuse is terrible for anyone who endures it, but I believe the effects are far worse on children, even though all who are victims of it suffer. As stated earlier, with physical abuse also comes emotional/verbal abuse. The victim, child or adult, comes to view himself/herself the same way as indicated under emotional/verbal abuse. The only difference is that physical abuse leaves outward signs while emotional/verbal abuse is internal only.

Sexual Abuse
For the purpose of clarity, I'm going to define sexual abuse in adults and child sexual abuse. For adults, sexual abuse would be classified as being forced to engage in sexual behavior, such as rape, including date rape; and being manipulated to perform sexual relations against a person's will. These can even occur within a marriage relationship. Child abuse is primarily the dominant position of an adult that allows him/her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity, per American Psychological Association.

The effects of sexual abuse linger long after the abuse has occurred. The psychological and behavior problems range from mild to severe and include depression, anxiety, guilt, fear, sexual dysfunction, withdrawal, and acting out. As a counselor, I have seen all of these effects of sexual abuse manifested in the adults I've counseled. In many of these adults I found child-like behavior and emotions due to the abuse because they had not dealt with their issues. One other effect that has occurred in many is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and in some a form of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) where traumatic abuse had happened. I have chosen to call this sophisticated defense mechanisms, rather than DID.

Now to the last type of abuse, that of spiritual abuse. David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen in The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse describe the action: "It's possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn't 'behave' spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person's standing as a Christian to gratify you, your position or your beliefs while at the same time weakening or harming another---that is spiritual abuse."

You can find more information on spiritual abuse at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_abuse#Spiritual_abuse.

What can one do who has been either a victim or a perpetrator? We have to face the giants in our lives, allowing God through the power of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, help us tackle the giants that live in our land (our hearts, mind, spirit) and become whole. It means we have to change what we believe about ourselves and believe what God says about us.

Psalm 139 details just how much God loves us and desires to meet our every need. God can and will transform us and renew our minds, if we will let Him (Rom. 12:1,2). He will put a new heart within us (Jeremiah 24:7, Ezekiel 36:26). He will give us the desires of our heart, if we will delight ourselves in Him (Psalm 37:4).

God had a purpose and plan for our lives before we came out of our mother's womb. Due to circumstances beyond our control, maybe that purpose/plan has been laid aside or forgotten, or perhaps never even had the opportunity to be known. But it's not too late. God does not change His mind once He calls us. He might change the direction of the plan for where we are, but His intentions never change.

Also, there are counselors and therapists who are willing to assist you in dealing with those issues that are keeping you from living your life to the fullest.

Remember, God chose you, you didn't choose Him. Let Him become a greater part of your life for He has many great things in store for you.